she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
