dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
