My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
