i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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