i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
