Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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