3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
