I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
