where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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