carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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