ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
