he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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