HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
