fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
