in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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