I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
