I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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