I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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