You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
