before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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