get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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