Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
