Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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