I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
It's Friday. Sex?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
