More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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