His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
