like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
