What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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