And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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