i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
