You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
you made out with another girl for some wings
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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