Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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