Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
