Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
