i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
It's just like the Real World with babies
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
