After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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