i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
