In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
