shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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