I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
