Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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