I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
