look no pants
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
