We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
