I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
