I'm really into asian looking animals
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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