I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
