Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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