Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
