I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
