He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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