There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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