i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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