pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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