Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
