I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
