i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
