they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
