Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
