he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
